Suicide Prevention & Ministering
Information from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints
HOW TO HELP
Most
people who attempt suicide do not want to die; they simply want relief from the
physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual pain they are going through. Many
people in crisis show warning signs before they attempt suicide. If you learn
to recognize the warning signs, you will be better prepared to minister to
those who need help. Listen for statements such as “I don’t care if I die” or
“Everyone would be better off without me.”
Warning
Signs of Suicide:
-
Looking for a way to kill themselves
-
Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to
live
-
Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
-
Talking about being a burden to others
-
Increasing their use of alcohol or drugs
-
Giving away personal items for no reason
-
Acting anxious or agitated or behaving recklessly
-
Withdrawing or isolating themselves
-
Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
-
Displaying extreme mood swings (see National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)
One
warning sign by itself may not mean there is a crisis. But if the individual
has a history of attempts or if you notice a sudden change in the individual or
start seeing multiple signs, act immediately.
Despite
our best efforts, not all suicides can be prevented. Some suicides happen
without any obvious warning. You are not responsible for someone else’s choice
to end their life.
How to Help Someone in Crisis:
Always
take seriously the warning signs of suicide and any threats to attempt suicide,
even if you think the individual is not seriously thinking about suicide or is
just seeking attention. Follow these three steps to offer support—Ask, Care,
Tell.
Step 1: Ask. Ask the person directly if
they are thinking about suicide. You might ask, “Are you thinking about ending
your life?” If they say that they are thinking about suicide, ask them if they
have a plan. You might ask, “Do you have a plan to hurt yourself?” If they have
a plan, immediately help them get to a hospital or healthcare clinic, or call
an emergency service provider or crisis help line in your area. (See “Crisis Help
Lines” for links to help lines around
the world.) If they do not have a plan, move to step 2.
Step 2: Care. Show that you care by listening to what they say.
Give them time to explain how they are feeling. Respect their feelings by
saying something such as, “I’m sorry you are in so much pain” or “I didn’t
realize how hard things were for you.” You might offer to help them create a
suicide-prevention safety plan (see “How to Create
a Suicide-Prevention Safety Plan,” Doug Thomas, Ensign, Sept. 2016, 63). A safety plan can help
people identify their personal strengths, positive relationships, and healthy
coping skills. It can also reduce their access to means of self-harm, such as
weapons or pills. If they ask you not to tell anyone about their feelings,
explain that you will respect their privacy as much as possible but they need
more help than you can give. Never promise to keep their thoughts of suicide secret.
Step 3: Tell. Encourage the person to tell someone who can offer
more support. Share contact information for helpful resources in your area.
Resources may include community hospitals, urgent care clinics, or free crisis
helplines. If they will not seek help, you need to tell someone for them. You
may want to say something such as, “I care about you and want you to be safe. I
am going to tell someone who can offer you the help you need.” Respect their
privacy by telling only someone you think can help, such as a close family
member, the person’s bishop, a school counselor, a doctor, or another health
care professional. If you are not sure who to tell, talk to your bishop or call a
free crisis help line in your area. Remember, you are not expected to support
the person on your own.
Note: If you are leading a
discussion, consider asking participants to practice these steps. Give them a
situation where someone comes to them and expresses suicidal thoughts, and ask
them to practice how they would respond.
How to Respond after a Suicide
Despite our
best efforts, not all suicides can be prevented. It is normal for those left
behind after a suicide to have feelings of denial, shock, guilt, anger, and
confusion. President M. Russell Ballard said, “The act of taking one’s
life is truly a tragedy because this single act leaves so many victims: first
the one who dies, then the dozens of others—family and friends—who are left
behind, some to face years of deep pain and confusion” (“Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some
We Do Not,” Ensign, Oct.
1987, 7). For these individuals, healing comes through the Savior, who “descended
below all things” so that He might know “according to the flesh how to succor
his people according to their infirmities” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:6; Alma 7:12).
Professional resources and counseling may also be helpful.
Stake and
ward councils may want to discuss how they can support an individual or family
after a suicide.
Questions to discuss
may include the following:
-How can the
teachings and Atonement of Jesus Christ bring healing to the individual or
family?
-What needs
have ministering brothers and sisters observed in the person or family? What
service have they given?
-What ongoing
emotional or spiritual support will the person or family need? Who can offer
this support?
-Does the
person or family have temporal needs, such as transportation or meals?
-How can ward
auxiliary leaders support children and youth who have lost a loved one?
The grieving
process after a suicide can last a long time. If someone continues to feel
intense pain or grief, -counsel with others who care about the person.
Prayerfully consider how you can best offer support. You might want to help the
person obtain a priesthood blessing or connect with resources in your area.
Grief support groups, doctors, or other health care professionals may be
helpful.
Note: If
you are leading a discussion, do not talk about how a
person took their life. This may unintentionally encourage someone in the group
to copy the behavior described. If someone begins to share these details in a
group setting, redirect the conversation in a kind way.
I Still Have Questions. Where Can
I Find Answers?
Heavenly
Father is a God of truth, whom you can trust. He has promised to hear and
answer your sincere prayers. Sometimes He requires you to exercise faith and
“wait on the Lord” for answers: “Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen
thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord” (Psalm 27:14).
President
Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught: “God cares about you. He will listen, and He
will answer your personal questions. The answers to your prayers will come in
His own way and in His own time, and therefore, you need to learn to listen to
His voice” (“Receiving a Testimony of Light and
Truth,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2014, 21).
God has given
you the scriptures, the modern prophets and apostles, and the gift of the Holy
Ghost to help you. As you study, seek His counsel in prayer, and exercise faith
and patience, His answers will come to you (see Doctrine and Covenants 9:8; 109:7).
Additional
Resources
“I’m Worried about Someone”
at suicide.lds.org
“Preventing
Suicide,” Carol F. McConkie, video at suicide.lds.org
“Understanding Suicide: Warning Signs
and Prevention,” Kenichi Shimokawa, Ensign, Oct. 2016, 35–39
“How do I know when to take a suicide
threat seriously?” at suicide.lds.org
“His Spirit to Be with You,”
Henry B. Eyring, Ensign or Liahona, May 2018, 86–88
“Songs Sung and Unsung,”
Jeffrey R. Holland, Ensign or Liahona, May 2017, 49–51
“The Merciful Obtain Mercy,”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign or Liahona, May 2012, 70–76
“To Heal the Shattering Consequences of
Abuse,” Richard G. Scott, Ensign or Liahona, May
2008, 40–43
“Turn to Him and Answers Will Come,”
James B. Martino, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2015, 58–60
“Trust in the Lord and Lean Not,”
Bonnie H. Cordon, Ensign or Liahona, May 2017, 6–9
“First Observe, Then Serve,”
Linda K. Burton, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2012, 78–80
“Ambassadors of Hope: Working Together
to Prevent Suicide,” Maryssa Dennis, New Era, Sept. 2018, 10–13
“After the Storm”
(video), LDS Media Library
“When the Answer Is Peace,” LDS.org Blog
“How to Teach Your Child How the Spirit
Speaks to Them” (video), LDS Media Library
“LDS Family Services Offices”
at LDS.org (for counseling or consultations)
“Suicide,” Counseling Resources, LDS.org (for stake and ward council members)
Welfare Help
Line (for stake presidents,
bishops, and branch presidents)
“Grieving after a Suicide,” Dale G.
Renlund, video at suicide.lds.org
“To Parents
Who Have Lost a Child by Suicide,” Dale G. Renlund, video at suicide.lds.org
“Comfort
after a Suicide,” Carol F. McConkie, video at suicide.lds.org
“I Have Lost Someone by Suicide,” suicide.lds.org
“How Survivors Heal,”
LDS Family Services, Ensign, Sept.
2017, 69
Suicide Prevention & Ministering
Information from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints
LOSS SURVIORS
How Can I Work
through My Pain after a Suicide?
The
pain you feel after a suicide can last for a long time. Elder M. Russell
Ballard said, “The act of taking one’s life is truly a tragedy because this
single act leaves so many victims: first the one who dies, then the dozens of
others—family and friends—who are left behind, some to face years of deep
pain and confusion” (“Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some
We Do Not,” Ensign, Oct.
1987, 7).
Elder
Dale G. Renlund taught: “In most people, it diminishes—the real intense
hurt diminishes over time. But to say that it’s all going to be better tomorrow
is of course a ridiculous statement. … Try to just get through the next day and
then the next day and the next day. We are Latter-day Saints, and the Lord will
help us with that” (“Grieving after a Suicide”)
Prayerfully
consider and use resources in your area. For example, you might ask for a
priesthood blessing, attend the temple, counsel with your bishop or a mental
health professional, or attend a grief support group.
Could I Have Done
More to Prevent My Child’s Suicide?
As
a parent, you may feel guilty for not recognizing the warning signs of suicide.
Or you might think that you could have been more understanding or patient. But
from the day your child was born, they were influenced by other people, by
their environment, and by their own thoughts and feelings—beyond the control
of a loving parent. And just as you have agency to choose one thing from
another, your child was blessed with their own agency. You are not responsible
for your child’s choice to end their life. Despite your best efforts, not all
suicides can be prevented.
These
principles also apply to a spouse, child, or friend who has lost a loved one by
suicide. You are not to blame for your loved one’s suicide. If you continue to
feel intense pain or grief, counsel with someone you trust and prayerfully seek
help. Consider asking for a priesthood blessing or connecting with resources in
your area, such as health care professionals or grief support groups.
How Do I Tell
Others What Happened?
One of the difficult decisions
after a suicide is what to tell others, including children. Many people try to
protect themselves or others from pain or shame by keeping a suicide secret.
However, sharing the truth about a loved one’s suicide with a person whom you
trust can be very healing. Prayerfully consider how much information you will
share with others and when. Be aware that some people will listen and
communicate better than others. Well-meaning individuals may make insensitive
or judgmental remarks in an attempt to offer support. Try to recognize the love
and comfort they intend rather than taking offense.
It is important for parents to
talk to their child when someone the child knew has died by suicide. Parents
should prayerfully consider their child’s age and maturity level when deciding
what to tell them. Assure the child that the suicide was not their fault. Share
your testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Encourage the child to share
positive memories of the person who died, and give the child time to ask
questions. Consider praying together or offering the child a priesthood
blessing. You may also want to consult with a children’s health care
professional to help in this process.
Are There Any
Restrictions on Funeral or Burial Services for Someone Who Dies by Suicide?
When
an individual dies by suicide, we should give the same respect to their body,
and to the surviving family members, that we would to anyone else. Handbook 2: Administering the Church teaches: “The
family, in consultation with the bishop, determines the place and nature of a
funeral service for a person who has died under such circumstances. Church
facilities may be used. If the person was endowed, he or she may be buried in
temple clothing” (Handbook 2, 21.4.14).
Elder
M. Russell Ballard was asked to speak at a funeral service for a friend
who had died by suicide. He said: “Knowing the person and the circumstances as
I did, and researching the doctrine on the subject, I had some difficult
moments in preparing for my remarks. … Peace came to me only when I recognized
that only the Lord could administer fair judgment. He alone had all the facts,
and only He would know the intent of the heart of my friend. I was reconciled
with the idea that a lifetime of goodness and service to others must surely be
considered by the Lord in judging the life of a person” (“Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some
We Do Not,” Ensign, Oct.
1987, 7).
Have Other Church
Members Lost a Loved One by Suicide?
Rodolfo
is the father of three children and serves as a branch president in Annapolis,
Maryland (USA). He talks about how losing his son by suicide has affected his
life.
Suicide
has touched the lives of many members of the Church. Watch, listen to, or read
some of the stories below about members who have found hope and healing after
the suicide of a family member or friend.
Church and Community Resources
(Some
of the resources listed below are not created, maintained, or controlled by The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. These materials are intended to
serve as additional helpful resources as you study this topic. The Church does
not endorse any content that is not in keeping with its doctrines and
teachings.)
“But If Not,” Lance B. Wickman, Ensign or Liahona, Nov.
2002, 30–32
“How Survivors Heal,” LDS Family Services, Ensign, Sept. 2017, 69
“After a Suicide,” American Foundation for Suicide
Prevention
“SOS: A Handbook for Survivors of Suicide,” Jeffrey
Jackson (American Association of Suicidology), yourlifecounts.org
Le Etta Thorpe (“Saved
after My Daughter’s Suicide,” Ensign, Sept.
2017, 67–69)
Melinda (“Melinda’s
Story,” video, LDS.org)
Suzanne Lutz (“Sustained
by God’s Love,” Ensign, July 2015, 14–15)
“The Infinite Power of Hope,”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2008, 21–24
“The Master Healer,”
Carole M. Stephens, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2016, 9–12
“Suicide, Healing, and Hope: How to Be
a Friend to Someone Who Has Lost a Loved One to Suicide,”
Marissa Widdison, New Era, Sept. 2017, 16–17
“4 Lessons of Hope I Learned from My
Sister’s Suicide,” Ganel-Lyn Condie, LDS Living, Mar. 2015
Bereaved by Suicide (Befrienders
Worldwide)
“The Healing Power of Grief,”
Steven Eastmond, Ensign,Jan. 2014, 63–65
“How Survivors Heal,”
LDS Family Services, Ensign, Sept.
2017, 69
“Mental Health,” LDS.org
“Suicide Grief: Healing after a Loved
One’s Suicide,” Mayo Clinic
“Tomorrow the
Lord Will Do Wonders among You,”
Jeffrey R. Holland, Ensign or Liahona, May
2016, 124–27
“Funerals
and Other Services at a Time of Death,” Handbook 2: Administering the
Church (2010), 18.6
“After a Suicide: Recommendations for
Religious Services and Other Public Memorial Observances,”
Suicide Prevention Resource Center
“Supporting Survivors of Suicide Loss:
A Guide for Funeral Directors,” U.S. Department of Health
and Human Services
Suicide Prevention & Ministering
Information from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints
ATTEMPT SURVIORS
Why Should I Keep
Struggling When Life Is So Challenging?
Mortal
life is a precious gift from God—a gift that should be valued and protected
(see Doctrine and Covenants 18:10).
You are given mortal experiences to help you learn and to help you rely on your
Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
Elder
Jeffrey R. Holland reminded us: “Whatever your struggle, my brothers and
sisters—mental or emotional or physical or otherwise—do not vote against the
preciousness of life by ending it! Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that
one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee” (“Like a Broken Vessel,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov.
2013, 42).
Elder
Orson F. Whitney taught: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we
experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such
qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and
all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our
characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender
and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is
through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education
that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and
Mother in heaven” (quoted in Teachings of Presidents of the
Church: Spencer W. Kimball [2006], 16).
If
your challenges feel overwhelming, seek help. Everyone needs help from others,
no matter how faithful they are. Even Jesus needed comfort and strength from
His Father. The Lord can strengthen you or send others to help and comfort you
(see Mosiah 18:8; 24:15). Get
professional help or talk to your bishop or someone else you trust. Seek a
priesthood blessing. Pray for help, and believe that you will receive it. God
has not forgotten you.
Can I Ever Get Back
to Normal after a Suicide Attempt?
The
people who care about you will need time to process their own thoughts and feelings
about your suicide attempt. They may feel guilty, thinking that they should
have done more to help you. In their efforts to offer help now, they may say
hurtful things to you, try to make you share more information than you’re
comfortable sharing, or avoid you completely. This may cause you more emotional
pain. Try to see the good intention behind what they say or do. Some of your
relationships may always be different than they once were—and that’s okay. You
are different now than you were before, too. This does not change the fact that
you are still valued, loved, and needed (see “We Never Walk Alone,”
Thomas S. Monson, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2013, 121–24).
Give
yourself, and others, time to recover and heal. Remember what Elder
Kent F. Richards of the Seventy said: “The Savior is not a silent
observer. He Himself knows personally and infinitely the pain we face” (“The Atonement Covers All Pain,” Ensign or Liahona, May
2011, 15). You are not alone.
Am I Worthy to Take
the Sacrament or Go to the Temple?
Having
suicidal thoughts or attempting suicide does not automatically make you
unworthy to partake of the sacrament or go to the temple. Remember that the
sacrament and temple ordinances can draw you closer to Heavenly Father and
bring a great healing power into your life (see Doctrine and Covenants 84:20).
If
you are not sure if you are worthy to participate in these ordinances, talk
with your bishop. Counsel together to decide what is best for your situation.
Are There Other
Suicide Attempt Survivors in the Church?
Princess
has survived multiple suicide attempts. In this video, she tells how she has
found hope and healing through her faith in Jesus Christ.
Suicide
has touched the lives of many members of the Church. Watch, listen to, or read
some of the stories below about members who have found healing after a suicide
attempt.
Church
and Community Resources
(Some
of the resources listed below are not created, maintained, or controlled by The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. These materials are intended to
serve as additional helpful resources as you study this topic. The Church does
not endorse any content that is not in keeping with its doctrines and
teachings.)
Craig (“Craig’s
Story,” video, LDS Media Library)
Elissa Stewart (“Lessons
on Hope from Depression,” Mormon Channel)
Seth Adam Smith (“He
Will Ease the Burdens on Your Soul,” Mormon.org)
Sheina (“Sheina’s
Story,” video, LDS Media Library)
Skaidrīte Bokuma (“Skaidrīte
Bokuma: Kurzeme Region, Latvia,” Portraits of Faith, LDS.org)
“The Infinite Power of Hope,”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2008, 21–24
“The Master Healer,”
Carole M. Stephens, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2016
“For Suicide Attempt Survivors,”
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
“I’m Still Here”
(video), We R Native
“Voices of Hope,”
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
“The Savior Understands Me,”
Jeffrey R. Holland (video)
“But If Not,”
Lance B. Wickman, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2002, 30–32
“The Value of Experiencing and
Expressing Gratitude,” Vaughn E. Worthen, Ensign, Mar. 2010, 44–49
“Belonging Is Our Sacred Birthright,”
Bonnie D. Parkin, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2004
“Is There a Place for Me?”
D. Todd Christofferson (video)
“The Savior Understands Me,”
Jeffrey R. Holland (video)
“After an Attempt,”
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
“For Suicide Attempt Survivors,”
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
“Real advice for those who’ve attempted
suicide, and want to step back into life,” JD Schramm,
TEDBlog, Jan. 14, 2014
“Repentance: A Joyful Choice,”
Dale G. Renlund, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2016, 121–24
“Personal Strength through the
Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Richard G. Scott, Ensign , Nov. 2013,
82–84
“Coming to Ourselves: The Sacrament,
the Temple, and Sacrifice in Service,” Robert D.
Hales, Ensign or Liahona,May 2012,
34–36
“Arms of Safety,”
Jay E. Jensen, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2008, 47–49
Suicide Prevention & Ministering
Information from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints
THOUGHTS OF
SUICIDE
In Crisis?
The
helplines listed below are free and are staffed by people who are trained to
help. You do not have to be suicidal to call and talk. These resources are not
created, maintained, or controlled by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints. The Church does not endorse any content that is not in keeping with its
doctrines and teachings.
Befrienders Worldwide (help
lines around the world)
Beyond Blue (Australia),
1300 22 4636
Kids Helpline (Australia),
1800 55 1800
Distress Centre (Canada),
403-266-HELP (4357)
Kids Help Phone (Canada),
1-800-668-6868
Lifeline Shanghai (China;
English only), (021) 62798990
Samaritans (United Kingdom and Ireland), 116 123
National Suicide
Prevention Lifeline (USA; English and Spanish),
1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line (USA),
text HOME to 741741
Native Youth
Crisis Hotline (Native Americans in the USA), 1-877-209-1266
I’m Worried I Might
Hurt Myself. How Can I Stay Safe?
If
you are in crisis and think you might hurt yourself, get help immediately. Call
an emergency service provider or a free crisis helpline in your area.
If
you are not in immediate crisis, talk to someone you trust, such as a family
member, friend, bishop, or health care professional. Sharing your thoughts with
someone can relieve a lot of pressure. Do not let feelings of embarrassment,
fear, or shame stop you.
Here
are additional ideas that may be helpful to you:
Create
a safety plan. A suicide prevention safety plan can help you
identify personal strengths, positive relationships, and healthy coping skills
that you can use during a crisis (see “How to Create a Suicide-Prevention
Safety Plan,” Doug Thomas, Ensign, Sept. 2016, 63).
Set
small goals. Each evening, write down at least one task or goal
that you can accomplish the next day. Keep these tasks simple and attainable.
Setting small goals and working toward them can help you find a sense of
control when everything seems unmanageable.
Trust the Savior. Remember that Jesus Christ is here for you (see Alma 7:11–13). He understands the pain you are going through more perfectly than you can imagine. Show your willingness to trust Him through actions such as kneeling in prayer, asking for a priesthood blessing, and talking to your bishop.
I Just Want My Pain
to End. Why Can’t I Be Healed?
Remember
the Savior’s promise that “in the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of
good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
Take
comfort from these words by President Thomas S. Monson:
“Some
of you may at times have cried out in your suffering, wondering why our
Heavenly Father would allow you to go through whatever trials you are facing. …
Our mortal life, however, was never meant to be easy or consistently pleasant.
… Each one of us experiences dark days when our loved ones pass away, painful times
when our health is lost, feelings of being forsaken when those we love seem to
have abandoned us. These and other trials present us with the real test of our
ability to endure. …
“Only
the Master knows the depths of our trials, our pain and our suffering. He alone
offers us eternal peace in times of adversity. He alone touches our tortured
souls with His comforting words: ‘Come unto me, all ye that labour and are
heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me;
for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For
my yoke is easy, and my burden is light’ [Matthew 11:28–30]”
(“Joy in the Journey,”
Brigham Young University Women’s Conference, May 2, 2008).
Turn
to God in your time of need. Seek the Savior’s healing blessings, remembering
that “sometimes a ‘healing’ cures our illness or lifts our burden. But
sometimes we are ‘healed’ by being given strength or understanding or patience
to bear the burdens placed upon us” (Dallin H. Oaks, “He Heals the Heavy Laden,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov.
2006, 7–8).
Do I Really Need to
Tell Someone I’m Thinking about Suicide?
Thoughts
of suicide are a reflection of mental and emotional trauma, not a weakness of
character. Even righteous people, like Paul and other ancient prophets, have
felt weighed down and in deep distress (see Numbers 11:14–15; 1 Kings 19:4; Philippians 1:21–24).
You do not need to bear this alone.
We
know there is power in counseling with others. When Moses was very burdened,
his father-in-law Jethro came to him and gave him wise counsel, saying, “Thou
wilt surely wear away, … for this thing is too heavy for thee; thou art not
able to perform it thyself alone” (Exodus 18:18).
Similarly, when you talk to someone you trust about your thoughts of suicide,
you can find strength, relief, and added perspective. Trust that Heavenly Father
will guide the person you choose to talk to.
You might
begin the conversation by talking about the following:
How
you are feeling right now
How
long you have been thinking about suicide
How
you first noticed these feelings
Whether
these feelings come and go or are more constant
Whether
you are taking any medication or using drugs or alcohol
If
you aren’t sure who to talk to, call a free helpline for support. Visit
Befrienders Worldwide (befrienders.org)
to find a helpline in your area.
Why Should I
Keep Struggling When Life Is So Challenging?
Mortal life is a precious gift
from God—a gift that should be valued and protected (see Doctrine and
Covenants 18:10). You are given mortal
experiences to help you learn and to help you rely on your Heavenly Father and
His Son, Jesus Christ.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
reminded us: “Whatever your struggle, my brothers and sisters—mental or
emotional or physical or otherwise—do not vote against the preciousness of
life by ending it! Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the
dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee” (“Like a Broken
Vessel,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov.
2013, 42).
Elder Orson F. Whitney
taught: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It
ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience,
faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure,
especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our
hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy
to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil
and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and
which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven” (quoted in Teachings of Presidents of the
Church: Spencer W. Kimball [2006], 16).
If your challenges feel
overwhelming, seek help. Everyone needs help from others, no matter how
faithful they are. Even Jesus needed comfort and strength from His Father. The
Lord can strengthen you or send others to help and comfort you (see Mosiah 18:8; 24:15). Get professional help or talk to your bishop or
someone else you trust. Seek a priesthood blessing. Pray for help, and believe
that you will receive it. God has not forgotten you.
Church and Community Resources
“Personal
Strength through the Atonement of Jesus Christ,” Richard G. Scott, Ensign Nov.
2013, 82–84
“Coming to
Ourselves: The Sacrament, the Temple, and Sacrifice in Service,” Robert D. Hales, Ensign or Liahona,May 2012,
34–36
“Songs Sung and Unsung,”
Jeffrey R. Holland, Ensign or Liahona, May 2017, 49–51
“Choosing to Live: Overcoming Suicidal
Thoughts,” Ensign, Sept.
2016, 60–63; Liahona, Sept. 2016, 30–33
“Help Yourself”
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
“Coping and
support,” in “Suicide and Suicidal Thoughts,”
Mayo Clinic
“Safety Plan”
(printable template), TherapistAid.com
“The Infinite Power of Hope,”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2008, 21–24
“How to Create a Suicide-Prevention
Safety Plan,” Doug Thomas, Ensign, Sept. 2016, 63
“Mental Health,” LDS.org
“Princess’s
Story: After a Suicide Attempt,” video
“Understanding Suicide,” New Era, Sept. 2016, 36–37
“When
to see a doctor,” in “Suicide and Suicidal Thoughts,”
Mayo Clinic
Suicide Prevention & Ministering
Information from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints
FREQUENTLY
ASKED QUESTIONS
Will talking about suicide make someone more likely to
attempt suicide?
Talking about suicide will not make someone more likely
to attempt suicide. In fact, talking openly about suicide is an effective way
to help prevent suicide. Asking a person directly if they are thinking about
suicide gives them an opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings
without worrying that they will be judged.
You might ask, “Are you thinking about taking your life?”
If they say that they are thinking about suicide, ask them if they have a plan.
You might ask, “Do you have a plan to hurt yourself?” If they have a plan,
immediately call an emergency service provider or a crisis helpline in your
area.
If they do not have a plan, show that you care by
listening to what they say. Then encourage them to tell someone who can offer
more support. See “How to Help Someone in Crisis” on this website for
additional ideas.
What should I do if someone tells me they are thinking
about suicide?
Never promise to keep someone’s
thoughts of suicide secret. If they ask you not to tell anyone,
explain that you will respect their privacy as much as possible but they need
more help than you can give. Encourage them to tell someone who can offer more
support. Share contact information for suicide prevention resources in your
area.
If they will not seek help, you
need to tell someone for them. You may
want to say something such as, “I care about you and want you to be safe. I am
going to call someone who can offer you the help you need.” Respect their
privacy by telling only someone you think can help, such as a close family
member, the person’s bishop, a school counselor, or a health care
professional.
If you are not sure who to
tell, call or text a free crisis helpline in your area. Remember, the Lord does
not expect you to support the person on your own.
How do I start a conversation
with someone I’m worried about?
Find a time and place where you can both feel safe to
talk. Tell your friend that you genuinely care about them. Explain what you’ve
observed recently, such as, “You seem so unhappy lately.” Give them time to
explain how they are feeling. Show that you care by listening to what they say.
Respect their feelings by saying something such as, “I’m sorry you are in so
much pain” or “I didn’t realize how hard things were for you.”
When the time seems right, ask them directly if they are
thinking about suicide. You might say something such as, “Are you thinking
about taking your life?” If they say that they are thinking about suicide, ask
them if they have a plan. You might ask, “Do you have a plan to hurt yourself?”
If they have a plan, immediately call an emergency service provider or a crisis
helpline in your area.
If they do not have a plan, show that you care by
listening to what they say. Then encourage them to tell someone who can offer
more support. See “How to Help Someone in Crisis” on this website for
additional ideas.
How can I support someone who has
survived a suicide attempt?
Loved ones
and ward members can play an important role in the recovery of a suicide
attempt survivor. Feeling loved and included can give attempt survivors hope
for the future and may help them avoid another suicide attempt. As you offer
help, be compassionate and prayerful (see 1 Peter 3:8).
Heavenly Father knows what they need and can guide your efforts. If you are
part of a ward council, consider how members of the ward and stake can help.
Here are a
few things to keep in mind as you offer support:
It is their story. Allow
attempt survivors to disclose their challenges in their own time and to the
people they choose. Do not be offended if they decline your invitations to
share.
Be yourself. Talk
with attempt survivors in the same way you did before the attempt. Offer to
listen if they want to talk. Don’t minimize their pain or compare their
experience to someone else’s, including your own.
Believe that recovery is
possible. While recovery from an attempt may be difficult, it
is possible. Be patient and understanding as the person works through any
physical, emotional, and spiritual pain. Never forget that they, just like
anyone else, can become healthier and stronger with the Savior’s help.
Practice good self-care. Make
time to care for your own spiritual, physical, mental, and social health
(see Mosiah 4:27).
Increase your faith by studying the scriptures and attending the temple. Eat
healthy foods, exercise, and get enough sleep so that you will have physical
and emotional strength. Visit mentalhealth.lds.org for more ideas.
How can I support someone who has
lost a loved one by suicide?
Friends and Church members can be a great support to families
who have lost a loved one by suicide. Suicide is often a sudden, traumatic
event and can intensify the grief of those involved. Understand that the
grieving process takes time.
The best care we can provide is to help someone
experience the blessings of Heavenly Father’s love and the Savior’s mercy and
grace. When an individual or family has lost a loved one by suicide,
prayerfully observe their needs and try to support them. Often our care for a
person or family begins by listening in love and kindness. Be aware that
holidays and anniversaries may be especially difficult.
Elder
M. Russell Ballard has counseled: “Be careful in what you say about
suicide and recognize that we do not know the full circumstances surrounding
every suicide. The Lord alone has all the facts, and only He would know the
intent of one’s heart. We should not judge those who do take their own lives,
and we should support and comfort those who are left behind after such a death
of a loved one” (“Questions and Answers”
[Brigham Young University devotional, Nov. 14, 2017], 3, speeches.byu.edu).
If you are part of a ward council, encourage the council
to discuss how ward members can provide appropriate support to the person or
family. Encourage council members to report back on the support that was
offered.
Some questions to discuss include:
-What
have ministering brothers and sisters observed, and what service have they
given?
-What
ongoing emotional and spiritual support will the person or family need? Who is
best prepared to provide this support?
-What
are their temporal needs—transportation, meals, and so on?
-How
can ward auxiliary leaders, including Primary or youth leaders, support children
and youth who are affected?
How do I hold a discussion about
suicide in my ward or family?
Talking about suicide will not make someone
more likely to attempt suicide. In fact, talking openly about suicide is an
effective way to help prevent suicide. The purpose of any discussion about
suicide should be to help leaders and members minister more effectively to
those who have been affected by suicide.
Leaders and parents may want to hold
discussions about preventing suicide, dealing with suicide loss, and
ministering to those who are struggling. These discussions should be sensitive
and caring, age-appropriate, and in harmony with Church teachings. Be careful
when holding a discussion to avoid language that could cause someone to relive
intense pain.
During discussions after a suicide loss, do
not talk about how a person took their life. This may unintentionally
encourage someone in the group to copy the behavior described. If someone
begins to share these details in a group setting, redirect the conversation in
a kind way.
Church and
Community Resources
“Listen to Learn,”
Russell M. Nelson, Ensign, May 1991, 22–25
“Taking Time
to Talk and Listen,” Rosemary M. Wixom, Ensign, Apr. 2012, 10–13; Liahona, Apr. 2012, 34–37
“Parents and
Children: Listening, Learning, and Loving,” M. Russell Ballard, New Era, Feb. 2011, 2–7
“How to Talk
to a 9–13-Year-Old Child about a Suicide Attempt in Your Family,” U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs
“Taking Time to Talk and Listen,” Rosemary M.
Wixom, Ensign, Apr. 2012, 10–13; or Liahona, Apr. 2012, 34–37
“Preventing
Suicide,” Carol F. McConkie, video
“Listening Skills,” Befrienders Worldwide
“Suicide Myths—Quiz,” Befrienders Worldwide
“News Room: Suicide,” World Health Organization
“To the Rescue: We Can Do It,” Mervyn B.
Arnold, Ensignor Liahona, May
2016, 53–55
“Taking Time to Talk and Listen,” Rosemary M.
Wixom, Ensign, Apr. 2012, 10–13; or Liahona, Apr. 2012, 34–37
“Understanding Suicide,” New Era, Sept.
2016, 36–37
“God Knows You,” Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Youth
Videos, LDS.org
“By Divine Design,” Ronald A. Rasband, Ensign or Liahona, Nov.
2017, 55–57
“Preventing
Suicide,” Carol F. McConkie, video
“7 Things Attempt Survivors Wish Their Families and Friends Knew,”
Lifeline for Attempt Survivors
“Helping a Suicidal Friend or Relative,” Befrienders
Worldwide
“Help Someone Else,” National Suicide Prevention
Lifeline
Princess’s
Story: After a Suicide Attempt,” video
“Belonging Is Our Sacred Birthright,”
Bonnie D. Parkin, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2004, 106–8
“Focus on the One,”
Jean B. Bingham, video at LDS.org
“Take the Holy Spirit as Your Guide,”
Larry Y. Wilson, Ensign or Liahona, May 2018, 75–77
“Break the Silence for Suicide Attempt
Survivors,” JD Schramm, TED
“To the Friend Treating Me Differently
after Finding Out about My Suicide Attempt,” Christa
Marie, TheMighty
“First Observe, Then Serve,”
Linda K. Burton, Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2012, 78–80
“Saved after My Daughter’s Suicide,”
Le Etta Thorpe, Ensign, Sept. 2017, 67–69;
or Liahona, Sept. 2017, 35–37
“Suicide, Healing, and Hope: How to Be
a Friend to Someone Who Has Lost a Loved One to Suicide,”
Marissa Widdison, New Era, Sept. 2017, 16–17
“Sustained by God’s Love,”
Suzanne Lutz, Ensign, July 2015, 14–15
“19 Suicide Survivors Share What They
Needed after Their Loss,” Sarah Schuster, TheMighty
“Bereaved by Suicide,”
Befrienders Worldwide
